Cruel, Crazy, Beautiful World
by rainbow haired auror
Summary: My story of how Tonks and Lupin deal with Sirius' death and what hapens to them during the sixth book. Second chapter is up! Happy reading!
1. Slipped Away

Cruel, Crazy, Beautiful World

Chapter 1: Slipped Away

Suddenly I am awake. Or at least my mind is. My body refuses to move, my eyes won't open. My mind doesn't seem to be working all that well either. I have no idea who I am, much less where I am or what I'm doing there. My thoughts form so slowly it's almost painful. "Nymphadora Tonks, who prefers to be known by her surname only". Right, I'm Tonks, Auror, Metamorphmagus, and a complete klutz. One question down two to go. If only I could open my eyes!

"Miss Tonks, can you hear me?" The voice is unfamiliar and very business like. I open my eyes. Hey, I opened my eyes! Definitely an improvement now let's try the vocal cords. "Yes," I croak. Ha, triumph! Okay so I sound more like a frog than a human, but I can talk.

I look at the woman standing by my bed. She is short and thin with fine pale blond hair and dark blue eyes. She is wearing glasses and lime green robes with a crossed bone and wand emblem on them. Oh, Saint Mungo's. Wait, what am I doing at Saint Mungo's? Suddenly I remember. The battle at the Department of Mysteries… and her, that slimy little snake, Bellatrix. "Your aunt," says a nasty voice in the back of my head. Her voice. You are not my family! Not you and not Narcissa. My family is my parents and Sirius. They don't accept you as family and neither do I! Now get out of my head! Now I remember the others. What happened to them? To Sirius and Remus, to Harry and his friends, Kingsley and Moody? If she has hurt one of them it's all my fault. I never should have looked when Harry yelled. Constant vigilance! I need to know _now._

I turn to ask the healer what has happened to the others. Only to discover I can't turn, again! I can't open my mouth either. My eyes widen in panic, or would if they could do anything but blink. The healer seems to understand anyway. "It's just a diagnostic spell, and if the results are positive, I will let your visitor in." She tells me. I want to ask her about my visitor, but I still can't move. "The effects will wear off in about twenty minutes," the healer tells me as she leaves.

I use my time alone to ponder who my visitor might be. I think of my parents first, but no she said visitor not visitors. Sirius? No. Even if the ministry has figured out that he is innocent he couldn't just walk into Saint Mungo's without causing a mass panic. Remus or Molly then. Those two worry way too much. Great the last thing I need is Molly fussing over me. I really hope it's Remus; at least he won't drive me _too_ crazy.

When the effects begin to wear off my cheerfulness returns in full measure. The door opens and in steps Remus Lupin. I am relieved to see him. As sweet as Molly is she can be a little overbearing sometimes. "Wotcher Remus," I exclaim brightly.

"Hello Nymphadora, it's nice to see you awake," his response sounds wrong in my ears. And it didn't have anything to do with the use of my hated name.

I frown at him. "What's the matter?" I ask, remembering my earlier fears. "What happened?" I sit up and can see him properly. He seems fragile, breakable. I know something is very wrong. I move to get up, to make him sit down and tell me what happened. Apparently he doesn't think that's a good idea because he walks forward and makes me sit down with a gentle hand on my shoulder.

"Sit", he commands.

I grab his arm angrily. Stupid, why does he have to be so overprotective? I'm an auror, dam it! "You sit! And tell me what happened right now!" I hiss angrily.

He sighs and pulls a chair up to the side of the bed. He takes a deep breath and, refusing to meet my eyes, says "Sirius…"

Now I'm really confused and even more worried. Surely the ministry hadn't caught him, and even if they had, wouldn't it be obvious that he was innocent? "What about Sirius?" I ask, cautiously.

"Bellatrix…" he manages to say before trailing off again. Then I look at his face and suddenly I understand.

"No," I breathe. No, no, no, the word echoes in my head. My voice rises in pitch and volume, and I reach forward and grab his hand. "No that's impossible." I try to tell him that it couldn't have happened but he just shakes his head helplessly and I see a tear run down his cheek. That's when I know it's true. I know he's gone. Because I have never seen Remus Lupin cry before and I know that there is only one thing that could cause this.

My shoulders begin to shake and I reach for him, needing to feel something other than the pain I feel right now or I'll go mad. And I know however horrible I feel right now, Remus must feel ten times worse. His best friend, the last of his fellow Marauders, is gone. As for me, I have grown close to Sirius over the past year, so close that I find it almost impossible to imagine the world without him. So I sit and hold Remus tightly for what seems like an eternity.

I don't want to believe it. Sirius, he can't be gone… he just… can't. It's not fair. I want to scream and scream and not ever stop, but I find for the third time today that I can't move. I want it all to be a mistake, like before. But before wasn't all a mistake, it still happened. Harry still lost his parent's; Remus still lost the people who saw him for who he was, and not what he was. I am shaking so hard now I feel as though I will shatter.

Remus' silent sobs form a sort of counter melody to my own, a silent lament for the loss of a bright star. Merlin, I can't believe how sappy I sound.

I smile and whisper in Remus' ear, "Can you imagine what Sirius would say if he saw us like this?" I can sense Remus begin to smile weakly too. See, just 'cus I'm sad doesn't mean I can't help people!

"He would probably say something about this being very romantic and tease us about it until we found something to blackmail him with." I laugh shakily. It's a forced laugh. But at the moment Remus needs my help.

"Yeah that would be just like him, making a joke to stop other people from being sad even if only for a little while."

"Like you?" he says quietly. He pulls away and looks at me. His stare is intense as though he is seeing me for the first time. "You're trying to cheer me up aren't you?" He sounds suspicious, like this is a crime. I guess he thinks it his job to cheer people up, I mean he is always taking care of everyone, he made sure Sirius was safe for the last year. And at Hogwarts, he was probably the one to make sure his friends didn't do anything too stupid. He obviously didn't succeed all the time.

Remembering Sirius, I feel a tear run down my cheek. He can't be dead. That word echoes through my head too, over and over. Dead, dead, dead. "I don't want to believe it" I hear myself whisper. "I just can't, I still remember when I was a little kid and he would come and play with me. He would actually listen to what I had to say, and treated everything I said like it was just as important as anything anyone else had to say." Maybe he's still there like last time. Maybe if I just refuse to believe he's gone, like when I was a kid, he won't be gone, he'll come back. I know that's not going to work, at least in my head, but in my heart, I seem to know it will work. It will work because it has to, because this hurts too much.

"Pain is part of life Nymphadora." Remus says as he rushes out of the room. I think I made him feel worse instead of better. So much for the "infectious cheerfulness" of Tonks.

Angry, I call after him, "Don't call me Nymphadora!"

_A week later_

"I feel horrible. Every time the healers do something I know Sirius would find funny or would love to ridicule, I think "I'll tell him after the next meeting." and then I realize he won't be there and it starts all over again," I tell Remus. He sits on the foot of my bed and it's the most comforting feeling I've had all day. I start to cry, really cry. Not dry sobs like when he was last hear, but heart felt sobs accompanied by tears. I reach for Remus again and he leans forward to hold me and just let me cry because he knows that I need someone to help me through all this. And as usually he is trying to take care of me. Then I feel his shoulders begin to shake ever so slightly. Or maybe he needs this just as much as I do. He is always hiding what he feels so he can help the others. Maybe I am helping him because with me he can be himself, he doesn't have to pretend because of the time we spent just hanging around Grimmauld Place with Sirius. I see him as a friend and I can see past the werewolf, that is why he can see me as a friend. _Or maybe more? _ No, he's just a friend. _But he could be more. _No, he couldn't he is … what exactly is Remus to me? He's a friend, sure. I'm not sure this is the best time to be considering this. And it's definitely not the right place, well wrong position. "Very romantic" says a voice in my head. I realize it's Sirius voice and the tears roll down my cheeks in greater number than ever. I've been like this all day, as soon as I start to cheer up I remember.

Slowly the tears stop and Remus and I pull apart. "How have you been doing?" I ask him.

"I'm fine" he responds refusing to meet my eye.

"Don't I'm fine me Remus I can tell you are not at all fine," I glare and he looks up, tentatively. "You are even more pale than usual and you look as though you haven't eaten since the Department of Mysteries."

He looks like he's going to protest but then he seems to melt. He looks down at his hands and says. "You're right I'm not fine. I… I just really miss him. And I'm worried about Harry and …you."

"Well your not the only one who's worried. I've been worried sick since you were here last. I was afraid I made you feel worse. I was trying to help and when you left like that I was worried that I had made you feel worse." I had been worried and he was the reason why. Wasn't that one of the symptoms of being in love? Ugh more romance, what would Sirius think. Oh no not again. I will not cry, I will not cry, I will not cry. I look at Remus and see he has this strange look in his eye, like he doesn't know what to think of me. I don't know what to think of him either. I am confused and a little scared. I hadn't seen Remus for a week, not since I first woke up but I had been thinking about him almost obsessively since then. I'm not sure why. At first I thought I was just relieved he was okay. Then I thought that maybe it was because I was worried when he didn't show up the day after I woke up. Then Molly told me he was busy at the Ministry, they where trying to find out about the fight. But after that I still kept thinking about him. I remembered all the times we spent with Sirius and I thought about what he was doing at that moment. Would he still be facing interrogation at the ministry? Was he eating dinner now? He hadn't been doing much of the latter from the look of him.

Suddenly Remus disturbs my thoughts. "Nymphadora the healers say you can go home tomorrow, but Dumbledore doesn't think you should go anywhere unaccompanied for a while, so I'll come pick you up and we will take the muggle bus."

"But Remus tomorrow is the day the train from Hogwarts gets in. Molly has been here every day and so have Moody and Kingsley. Don't try and tell me that you won't be there. They told me all about it and I'm going. I'm sick of this hospital and of being treated like a child. I'm an auror not a child. I'm going to be there and I'm going to help you, Harry doesn't deserve to be treated like those relatives of his treat him. We can't stop them entirely but we can make it better." I couldn't stand to be left out of one more thing.

Remus sighs. "I guess I didn't think you would care. I mean you haven't known Harry the way we do. I guess I should of known you care too much about everyone to be like that. But I honestly wasn't trying to hide anything from you."

"All right then. You will come tomorrow afternoon and we will go to Kings Cross and meet the train." I'm happier than I've been in days. I know why too. It's him; it's because of the man sitting on the foot of my bed. I think I'm in love, and I don't mean a crush or anything like that.

Remus suddenly looks startled. "Umm… Nymphadora you're hair just turned the brightest shade of pink I've ever seen."

Oh so that's what's wrong. "Sorry," I giggle. "I'm just really happy." Remus smiles and shakes his head.

"Some things never change." he says and then gets up. "I'll see you tomorrow." He leaves and I'm still smiling. I have a feeling I'll be smiling like this for a while. I'm in love. Now I just have to figure out what to do about it. What if he doesn't feel the same? Well no point in worrying about "what ifs". Anyway, I bet he does feel something. Why else would he have come? However, he might not know it. At least not yet.


	2. The ATrain

_Noon the next day_

**THE "A" TRAIN**

Disclamer: none of it is mine

A/N: It's FINALY here the second chapter and I am sorry it took SO long but I won't anoy anyone by comeing up with excuses, mine are that same as everyones. Anyway on with the story.

I bounce around the room in my favorite outfit of patched jeans and my "Weird Sisters" T-shirt. I grab all the belongings I have in the room one at a time and begin to throw them in my bag, it's red and gold with a lion on it. Hey, just because I'm not in Gryffindor anymore doesn't mean I can't show house spirit. Anyway it keeps any idiots who happen to know who my family is from making stupid comments. Well, it _usually_ does.

Remus will be here any minute but I slept in a little bit, I was up late thinking. Okay, so I was really plotting but, in my case, it's the same thing. Good thing he didn't convince me to leave in the morning I would have slept right through it. I have a plan. I'm going to break it to him slowly, and if he doesn't think he feels the same way I will simply have to convince him that he does. He will find out just how stubborn I can be. Of course he can be pretty stubborn too. I still can't get him to stop calling me Nymphadora. I will set my plan into action as soon as we are done with our little chat with the Dursleys. He needs to think about Harry until then. He doesn't need any distractions, even as delightful a distraction as _me_.

As I continue to bounce around the room, I soon finish putting my things in my bag. Now I sit down on the bed and wait. I can hardly sit still. This going slowly is going to be very difficult. I've always hated stealth and patience. I take a deep breath and compose my features into something I hope resembles a normal "cheerful Tonks" expression. I may be able to change my appearance at will but the same cannot be said for my expression. In fact sometimes my appearance changes with my mood, I'm glad this isn't one of those times.

The door opens and Remus enters. "Wotcher Remus!" I cry in a fairly good imitation of my usual bubbly self. His robes are just as patched as usual and he still looks like he hasn't been eating.

"Hello Nymphadora," he replies with a slight smile and I know he doesn't think anything is out of the ordinary. I just hope I can keep fooling him. Harry's summer may depend on it.

"Are you ready to go?" he asks politely.

"Yep, I'm all set." I stand up. "I have been waiting to get out of here all week."

"Patience is a virtue, Nymphadora." He says in his "teacher voice" adding a mock stern edge to it. Then he and I both smile.

"Not one I've ever had much use for myself." I respond as insolently as possible, lifting my chin to add to the effect. This is a game Remus and Sirius and I would play, Remus would pretend to scold us and Sirius and I would rebel. I have a feeling it goes back to the days of the Marauders though.

He smiles at me, but it's not a normal smile. He looks as though he is seeing something far away. "James and Sirius started that when we where in our first year. It was our way of making fun of ourselves. Since I always tried to talk them out of their crazy plans and they always managed to talk me into joining them instead." I picked up my bag and he opened the door for me but continued talking. "They would always have some major problems with their plan and I would end up having to fix them. Whenever I refused to help they got caught. But if I helped we all got out safely." We walk down the hall. "Well Wormtail would help too but he was not much good at pulling pranks so he would get left out a lot."

"Sounds like you are feeling a bit better than you where yesterday." I comment. "That's good, now all we have to do is make sure you eat."

"Oh and what makes you think you can make me do anything Miss Tonks?" He asks amused.

"Well to start with, this." I make my eyes big and brown and sad and pout at him. He simply raises an eyebrow skeptically. "And," I continue as my eyes return to normal. "I'm sure I can find something to "Black" mail you with."

"You do know that is a horrible pun, don't you?" he responds.

I ignore him and continue with my list. "Third, you must be faint with hunger and that would put you at a sever disadvantage." He rolls his eyes at that. "And lastly," I announce as dramatically as possible. "I will have Molly on my side."

He laughs, "The real reason comes out at last."

Then we walk on in silence until we reach the bus stop. We talk about nothing of importance until the bus comes. We board the bus and chat about nothing of significance until we reach our stop. In fact, we talk about nothing of any importance whatsoever until we reach the front door of my flat. I open the door and step aside. He hesitates so I grab his hand and pull him inside. "Come on, we can leave for King's Cross in a minute. I just need to put this away first and grab a bite to eat, I hate hospital food." I close the door and walk to another door across the room. I open that door, throw the bag on my bed, shut the door and say, "You are going to eat too." I head for the kitchen part of the room just to the right of the door. A small bar with stools and cabinets in it divides the living and cooking spaces in the flat. I open a cabinet and pull out bread, then get some honey roasted turkey breast, tomatoes, lettuce, cheese and several other "must haves" for sandwiches.

I open the drawer to get a knife and hear Remus say, "Are you sure that's a good idea?"

"What, eating sandwiches?" I look up and see an evil twinkle in his eye.

"No, you with a knife." He smirks. Who knew Professor Lupin could smirk!

"You are getting on my nerves." I say in an irritated tone. "Don't you know _that's_ dangerous?" I add mocking him.

"You are no more dangerous than a pixie." He responds in a superior tone.

"Well I'm very dangerous then." I inform him. Instead of laughing he looks confused. "Professor Lupin," I scold in an outraged tone, "You need to listen to your students more."

"Apparently. I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Hermione told me a story about her Defense against the Dark Arts class." I pull out bread and start to make the sandwiches. "It was the first practical lesson they had, in second year. Lockhart turned a cage of Cornish pixies loose in the classroom and told the class to 'round them up'. The class had a lot of trouble with them so he tried to stop them himself."

"I suppose that didn't work to well."

I loom up from the sandwich I am attacking, grin, and shake my head. "One of the pixies threw his wand out the window."

He laughs, "That's one story I hadn't heard. I heard a lot about the other teachers from my students but no one told me that one."

"Probably because the Gryffindors in that class had been told what a git Lockhart was about the chamber of secrets and didn't want to talk about him." I look at him "They really admire you. You should hear them. When Ginny told me about the DA she said Harry taught like you. She and Ron actually agreed that you where the best teacher they'd had. And you know they _never_ agree on _anything_."

"Apparently they like to exaggerate because I am not as good a teacher as say, Minerva. But then the other Defense teachers they have had haven't been all that great."

I raise my eyebrows, "That has got to be the understatement of the century. Two were working for Voldemort, and two were completely incompetent. However, I tend to believe them anyway."

He shakes his head, "This is an argument I can't win isn't it?"

I nod and hand him a sandwich. "Sit, eat!" I order.

He shakes his head. "We'll never make it to King's Cross in time if we don't leave now."

"Are you a wizard or not? We can apperate." He opens his mouth to say something but I glare at him and he sighs.

"You win. But mark my words, apperating the day you leave the hospital is not a good idea."

"Remus," I am _so_ tired of this. "I have been ready to leave that place since I got there."

He just rolls his eyes. I stick out my tongue, and change my nose into the pig-like form. Then I cross my eyes and make them flash from bright pink to white (which I usually avoid as people find it disturbing) and to lime green. Finally, I make my hair flash with my eyes. Remus gives me a look that suggests he thinks I'm completely crazy. But then, that was the point. I truly love being a Metamorphmagus.

We have apperated to the station just fine and I am now standing next to Remus. Just in front of us is Mad-Eye in his ridiculous bowler hat. In front of him stand Molly and Arthur Weasley waiting for their children. Fred and George stand beside them dressed in horrid dragon hide jackets. The children have begun to stream through the barrier and I have just spotted Ron's red hair above the heads of the others. "Ron, Ginny!" cries Molly, and she rushes forward to hug them. Then she turns to give Harry a hug, "Oh, and Harry dear- how are you?"

"Fine", he answers. Oh like we're going to believe _that_. Ron asks the twins about their ridiculous jackets as Remus and I approach the group. "Hello Harry," Says Remus.

"Hi," says Harry looking surprised. "I didn't expect… what are you all doing here?"

Remus smiles slightly as he responds, I can tell he's going to enjoy this. "Well, we thought we might have a little chat with your aunt and uncle before letting them take you home."

Harry looks alarmed. "I dunno if that's a good idea," he says. What's he afraid of? They can't get any worse.

"Oh, I think it is," growls Mad-Eye, clunking up next to me. "That'll be them will it, Potter?" I turn around slightly to see the owners of the clean little muggle house that scares me more than number twelve Grimmauld Place ever could. The man and the boy both look about as wide as my old potions teacher, Professor Slughorn. However, these two have a nasty look about them that Slughorn could never pull off. It's the woman who I know I will dislike the most. She has a look on her face that distinctly resembles Aunt Narcissa. The muggles all look shocked to see us. Good.

"Ah, Harry!" says Arthur turning away from the Grangers. "Well- shall we do it then?" Mad-Eye agrees and the two of them lead everyone but Hermione's parents across the station to them. "Good afternoon," says Arthur cheerfully. "You might remember me, my name is Arthur Wesley." Whatever incident they might remember Arthur from was apparently not one they thought of as pleasant because Vernon Dursley turned a interesting shade of red that I'm not sure even my morphing could match. Dudley is trying –and failing miserably- to hide behind his parents, and Petunia was looking around much like Narcissa would if she was forced to talk to my father.

"We thought we'd just have a few words with you about Harry," continues Arthur calmly.

"Yeah," agrees Mad-Eye. "About how he's treated when he's at your place." These two should have their own show on WWN, they have the "good cop, bad cop" routine down perfectly.

"I'm not aware that it is any of your business what goes on in my house-" begins Harry's uncle.

"I expect what you're not aware of would fill several books, Dursley," interrupts Mad-Eye

This conversation is getting off track. Insulting people won't get us anywhere, despite how entertaining it is. "Anyway, that's not the point. The point is, if we find out you've been horrible to Harry-"

"-and make no mistake, we'll hear about it," Remus adds before I can finish. His voice sounds pleasant enough but I can hear something behind it, an ice that I've never heard in his voice before.

"Yes," agrees Arthur, "even if you won't let Harry use the fellytone-".

"Telephone," I hear Hermione whisper.

"Yeah, it we get any hint that Potter's been mistreated in any way," Mad-Eye is attempting to draw attention away from Arthur's mistake. "You'll have _us_ to answer to."

"Are you threatening me, sir?" Ouch, my ear. That man talks too loud, there's no need to yell.

"Yes, I am." I think Mad-Eye is happy to be intimidating people again.

"And do I look like the kind of man who can be intimidated?" This man has an ego the size of a dragon.

"Well…" Mad-Eye pushes back his hat so we can see his magical eye. The man across from him jumps back in terror and clumsily bumps into the trolley. "Yes, I'd say you do, Dursley." Mad-Eye turns to Harry, "So, Potter… give us a shout it you need us. If we don't hear form you for three days in a row, we'll send someone along…" Petunia whimpers at this. That woman has issues. "'Bye then Potter," He finishes, patting Harry on the shoulder.

"Take care, Harry," Remus say's quietly, a note of sadness in his voice. "Keep in touch." The rest say their farewells and Harry smiles, not saying anything, and waves goodbye. Then he and the Dursleys leave the station.

I start to laugh. "Yes, I'd say you do, Dursley," I mock Mad-Eye. The others begin to laugh as well. Even Remus can't resist. I wish this moment could last forever.

A/N:Please review. Oh and I have a chalenge for you: the story and all of it's chapters are named after songs, can you tell me the artist who performed each song. I'll post the awnsers in later chapters.


	3. Chasing Cars

**Chasing Cars**

Remus and I leave the station together. He insists on walking me back to my flat. Not that I put up much of a fight, I can easily talk him in to staying for dinner now.

We stroll through the streets of London in the direction of my flat. We don't talk but just being with him is enough to make me giddy. I begin to walk with a bit of a spring in my step.

Not a good idea, my foot catches on the hem of my jeans and I topple forward. Remus grabs at me but misses and I fall onto my hands and knees.

Not again! I hate being clumsy!

"Nymphadora, are you all right?" asks Remus, crouched beside me. He helps me up with a gentle hand under my elbow, and another on my back. As soon as I'm on my feet he lets go.

"I'm f-fine," my voice catches.

He frowns and puts a hand on my shoulder. "Are you sure?" He sounds very concerned. Sweet but I don't need anyone to take care of me.

"I'm fine," I repeat. "I'm use to it." It's not like I don't fall over all the time. "You on the other hand still look half starved," I inform him. "And therefore are going to stay for dinner."

Molly had given me a package full of food while we were waiting for the train. And my mother had restocked the supply of food at my flat while I was in the hospital.

_Dinner for two, what could be more romantic? _Says the Sirius Voice in my head.

_That's the point, _answers my voice. The Sirius voice is silent. Probably shocked into silence. I smile; torturing Sirius is one of my favorite pastimes.

Was.

Past tens.

"I'm not going to be able to change your mind am I?" asks Remus.

"Nnnooo," I say in a singsong voice.

I grab his hand and begin to drag him along. "Come on, slow poke, I'm hungry!" Though I can't see Remus I know he's rolling his eyes.

I continue to pull him along until we reach the door of my flat. I drop his hand and dig my keys out of my pocket. Naturally they snag on the edge of my pocket and I drop them, I bend down and stumble yet again, hit my head, finally grab my keys and manage to stand without further incident. I rub my head as I open the door.

I glance over my shoulder and see Remus suppressing a smile. I stick out my tongue at him. I know, I know, I'm incredibly childish sometimes, but it's just too much fun. It must run in the family, Sirius does… Used to do it too. My heart twinges painfully at the slip. I feel rather guilty about being happy when he's gone.

I see his face and that smirk and I know that he wouldn't want me to be unhappy. So I open the door, and Remus and I enter. We are now silent and I have no doubt that Remus is thinking about Sirius too.

Then I turn around and smile, flashing my hair neon orange and then back to pink.

"Come on. Let's go see if we can find something to eat around here."

A/N I know it's been almost a year since I last updated. I'm sorry I just had no idea where I was going with this, I think I've got it worked out now. Anyone know where this chapter title came from? 


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